This year is my first Mother’s Day, and I never would have guessed what significance the day would hold this time last year. A year ago, a certain baby girl was due May 8th. I was praying, hoping, wishing that she would come in time for Mother’s Day. We even had family in town for Mother’s Day (aka waiting on her arrival). Unfortunately, the weekend came and went and no baby! We did celebrate that day as my “first” Mother’s Day. Brian gifted me one of my favorite maternity shots in a handmade frame, and it was beautiful. Vera decided to join us May 16th…5 days after Mother’s day.
Now, a year later, I can’t even believe what a journey motherhood has been so far. I thought I would try to put it in to words as best I can, but it’s just not going to be easy for me to express what my heart knows.
It’s the weirdest thing to go from waiting one day for the unknown (this baby) to BAM! You’re a mommy! You gotta learn how to do everything in a moment. And I knew nothing. Yes, I read lots of books. Talked to lots of people. Researched for hours on end. Took a class. But I had no idea how clueless I would be. I had no self-confidence in how to be a mommy. Thank goodness Brian got me through those first few weeks because he was a whole lot braver than me. I should have known that the change would be hard on me because that’s just my personality. I don’t do change well. I have to have an adjustment period. I would honestly say that it took me well over six months to adjust to motherhood. I spent the first 6 months totally overwhelmed, confused, and stressed. Happy but stressed.
I admire these mommies that seem to live in baby bliss. Sweet sleepy pleasant babies. But that wasn’t my reality and still isn’t. And I can not fake that it is. I have never known the stress levels I’ve had since Vera. She would cry for hours on end. (And still does every once and awhile) I would frantically be trying everything while crying and praying. She is picky as all get out over food. Some days are successful and other days she just eats baby puffs. She unfortunately got her mommy’s eating habits! Bedtime sucks around here. We’ll have a month of good then two months of bad. (And yes, we’ve done CIO and every other approach under the sun) An hour nap is as long as they get. She is particular and clingy, but also the sweetest thing you’ve ever seen!
Vera has the ability to light up a room (and melt her mommy’s heart). She gets beyond excited to see me. She buries her head in my chest and just hugs me tight. She smiles and squeals and screams at everyone…as long as I’m close by. She has the best sense of humor and knows when she’s being funny. She has a very big personality. She is gentle and loving with other babies/kids. She is an eager observer of people and animals. She LOVES her kitties! She gives them “pat pats” and cuddles with them on the floor. I could list out the hundred ways she makes me smile everyday, but I won’t. I’ll just say that it is nothing short of miraculous watching her grow into her own tiny person.
It really is incredible to watch this tiny newborn evolve into a bubbly one year old. All the “firsts” are so fun to witness and just take you by such surprise even though they are an obvious part of growth. They just naturally figure things out and you think, “My gosh, you are so clever!” We are getting so close to words and steps over here. When we do, I feel like we are walking out of infancy into toddler. And even though I was just complaining about the toughness of having a baby, it makes me really sad to see her getting older!
Oh I guess I’ll throw out a few more adjectives…demanding, messy, exhausting, joyous, caffeinated, funny. Okay, I’ll stop there. Best way to put it is that motherhood touches on every feeling that you never knew you had. So thanks to Vera for breaking me in! It has been a crazy, tough, but totally WORTH IT ride!